#CaliforniaSober
Today is a New Day, and I Can Start Over!
I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again
No doubt about it, I have been down lately. And I have had good reason. But today, I am not going to talk about that anymore.
Today is January 5, 2021: 1/5, which is 4/20 for people who know fractions! As my day gets started, I will meditate on that concept and take some deep breaths into my bong.
I decided not to write a story yesterday on the 4th anniversary of my last drink. To be meaningful to me, I needed to wait until today to address my anniversary on the first day of my 5th year of sobriety — abstinence from alcohol. I made it! Barely this time.
Sobriety is a daily battle. When I see someone say, “I’ve got this licked,” I look the other way. When I feel that way, I am in danger. But I did not even need to say that. I know that regardless of being four years sober, that motherfucking CRAVING can come back.
I am suffering from physical tooth pain. I have another appointment with the endodontist to take an image before deciding what to do with my mouth. I do work the 12 Steps of AA, but I don’t buy a lot of the bullshit that others who work the steps are selling. I am not suffering from a spiritual crisis because I crave a drink. I am, on the contrary, in fit spiritual condition because I have not had that first drink.
This last year has been more challenging than my first two years of sobriety. I lost my mother. I lost one of my best friends. I had to say goodbye to him before he died. There is an illness in the family. Most importantly, I am very sick and going to heart surgery on the 12th.
I had a breakdown yesterday. I cried and sobbed, and I couldn’t take all of this bullshit.
So, I am not. Today is a new day. I am going back into retirement. If I feel like writing, I will, but I won’t if I don’t. And I won’t feel guilty about it. I set a deadline of the end of the year this year for my book. I will add 40 months and say I will publish before I’m 60, in April 2025.
I need to play my guitar more. Spend more time with my loving wife and cat, and sit and heal.
Thank you for reading my article. If you join Medium through this link, you can get all of my stories, as well as millions more. Please join my readers’ list at https://CaliforniaSoberJoe.com for earliest information about my forthcoming book.
